Hello all:

I wish this forum was a bit less cumbersome to navigate. However, that’s beside the point.

Allow me to say that you can e-mail me if you’d like me to proofread or edit or give any feedback on brochures, etc., for the Fathers’ Rights cause.

I have more than a decade of experience in developing newsletters and working in public relations and as McLuhan said, “The medium is the message.” We have to look erudite and articulate before we get anywhere.

I’m offering my insight – please take advantage if you’d like.

Stephanie Kalina-Metzger (don’t get turned off by the hyphenation – ha, ha, it’s a tribute to my father who is dead, not a feminist affirmation.)

I broadly see the Elian issue as

Personally, I broadly see the Elian issue as:

  1. US Family Law vs. Asylum Law
  2. US vs. Cuba as social environment for children
  3. Whether Reno et al. actually conformed to the “rule of law” in carrying out the raid.

As an final outcome, Elian will either stay in the US (esp. if the Cuban Act is invoked after one year of a dragged out legal motions), or return to Cuba.

In either case, where does that leave American fathers in general? In the final analysis, NOWHERE… – meanwhile, a lot of energy and time will have been expended on Elian. If we had only 10% of the supporters out there, and they became fully informed of the predicament that DADS in FAMILY COURT face each and every day – then something very meaningful and constructive can be accomplished.

People are most healthy when they pro-actively express their beliefs and values. Thus I highly encourage such activities. However, it is essential to BE FOCUSED.

For DADS in FAMILY COURT, that focus must certainly be _US Family Law_.

So don’t get too diverted.

A. Include the club address, on your messages outside the club. (eg. email signature file)
B. Invite other dads who share our concerns. The networked relationships should continue beyond the Elian situation.

One can see the Elian situation as an opportunity to inform the public about the actual workings of the US judicial system as it applies to Family Law, and its adverse consequences on _US_domestic_children_.

PS – Invites have pulled in a lot members… I’ll bet that you are reading this because you yourself were invited.

Welcome to all recent members. THANK YOU!

Ex Runs off with Our Son!

Just to say the System sucks! If I did that and they found me I’d still be sitting in Jail Facing time.

Just before this all happened I was given information that the Mother of our son was about to flee the City we Live in. I have in the Supreme court of Canada , an Ex-Parte Order of
No Transportation of our son out of the greater city Area, and No moving our Son out of the AREA.

When we got wind of this we returned to Court and to have this Order strengthened. the Judge made it stronger, so that was Friday April 15, 2000 She then fled our area, as I got a Phone call Tip from a Friend, who informed me, I went to 3 police department areas , finally by 6pm they had found her, they gave her the chance to return to comply to the access visitation and only face on charge of contempt under the order, when she did not return Sunday for Visitation they, then contacted her to call her Lawyer, as she had Failed to appear for Condition two of the Order.
then On Monday she calls her Lawyer, her Lawyer calls mine and then says she’s applying for a Access of Move, after the Fact, in breaking 3 court order Contempt.

If I did that I’d be in Jail and never see my son again….

I hope we can drag her back here and face the consequences of her actions. but again she may only get a slap on the wrist and get away with it.
as she has Custody under Merrit, as the Mother,

Biff Canada BC.

It has been along time since I have posted anything in here

Hi everyone it has been along time since I have posted anything in here. But now I need help, and I need it quickly. Well actually its my procrastinating husband that needs help. Heres the story as short as I can make it. My husband went into court last month for charges of contempt he hadn’t payed his child support for two months while he was moving. Well anyways his lawyer got them to drop the contempt charge because obviously it wouldn’t do anyone any good for my husband to go to jail..

Ok this isn’t the problem he also had it stipulated in the agreement with the ex that My husband had one month to file for a modification of order or he wouldn’t get the chance to again till next year. the judge agreed to this because my husband is currently paying in excess of 500 dollars more then he needs to. Well to make a long story short as we were leaving the courthouse our lawyer told us he would not file the modification unless we came up with 2500 more dollars.

Our lawyer knows our financial situation and knows this was impossible! So my husband called his office the next week and made arrangements with his accounting person to pay 500 a month and a appointment to file the modification . His accounting person said this would be fine. Well they couldn’t get him in for an appointment till last Thursday. One week before it needed to be filed. anyways we got to the appointment and the lawyer says he wont file it he needs money up front.

Mind you this is a week before it has to be filed. Of course we don’t have the money and we told him his accountant said we could make arrangements. He says he doesn’t know what we are talking about but if we call next week he will have an answer for us. So we went and got a paralegal to file the forms for us because we knew he was going to drop us. And he did today.

Can he do this ? can he drop us 2 days before a deadline for something to be filed ? he also isnt on the ball about giving us some paper claiming he isn’t our attorney anymore.WE cant file without it and he is going to be gone tomorrow. he also claims it cant be faxed . Does anyone know if we can get the bar involved? This doesn’t seem right that he can do this. If we cant file our papers we are going to lose 500 dollars a month for the next year!


Just joined

Just came across this tonight (Thur. 4-26). I manage DadsDivorce.com, a resource for fathers facing divorce/custody litigation and seeking to maximize their role in their children’s lives.

While we are behind our friends on the reform front 100%, we focus on providing resources to fathers caught up in the system already.

Often these dads don’t have time to wait for reform, they need help in the present. We have an attorney hosted chat room every S-Th, 8:30-10:30pm, a very good online divorce guide for men, and legal info for all 50 states.

I’d welcome writing submissions from members of this club for our reading room. I look forward to hearing from some of you!

Your message is serious call for help

Remember that suicide is an irrevocable act with very painful consequences to your children.

Please seek professional psychological help immediately… also, call your local suicide prevention line, usually open 24h. In your message 430, you mentioned working with a wonderful counselor: call her ASAP.

1-800-SUICIDE has information about suicide prevention services.

As for the legal matter, stall and put it on hold. Your attorney should be able to offer a variety of excuses. Use the extra time to psychologically heal and build back your personal strength and energy.

Take a little vacation away from toxic influences. Believe me, we all need one!

If you are looking for a support group, check out


Hang in there, my friend, it’s all very stressful, but not fatal enough to kill us.

Never give up!

I just got the invite that was left for me earlier this month because I’ve had to fly half way around the world from Okinawa Japan to Michigan to be near and support my daughters 8&7 who I just found out have been sexually abused for the past 2 years by their soon to be ex- step father.

I was stupid during my divorce 4 years ago and didn’t fight at all because I just wanted to work things out and get back together to be near my kids. Now I’ve lived through 4 years of hell dealing with their mom and if it wasn’t for my new wife and her support I don’t know what I’d be doing now.

But I do know I will now fight tooth and nail to get my kids away from a woman who cares only for herself and leaves my children in the care of a pedophile while she goes off and pursues her education.

Too all of you who are just starting to split up DO NOT think that it will be amicable and the she will be nice, GO FOR FULL CUSTODY!!!!

Anyone heard of TOXIC PEOPLE

I do – and I am married to one. So I had to move out of the house – and because of the bias in the court system I will lose custody both physical and legal – I will end up having nothing to do with my kids – it isn’t fair and I think my lawyer is not helping matters either.

I now am having a suicide contract drawn up with people I can trust because I at this point see no reason to go on – I don’t have any point in existence.

My children mean that much to me – I cannot accept any more pain – what do I do ?

Whining doe not get us anywhere!

I keep reading messages posted on this type of clubs where Fathers, including myself, are whinning about the system and how unfair things are, etc.

I live in the state of Georgia and filed for the custody of my children for reasons ranging from borderline neglect, abuse of power that affected the children, to the children right out asking me to please fight for them.

My children were both under 14, so according to the law in Georgia they cannot decide where they want to live. I filed for a modification of custody and after almost 2 years, I was awarded custody only to lose custody immediately simply because she asked for a new trial.

The new trial hearing was done and the children were awarded to me for a second time only to lose custody again because she filed for an appeal. That’s the brilliant law in Georgia.

Now it will be 3 years into the custody battle and still awaiting for the supreme court to make a decision. I can’t count all times I had to apply for fast loans from this website! But I had no other choice when I desperately needed cash. How is the well being of the children being served when it takes more than 3 years to solve a custody battle?

However, my children who want this over and want to live with me, have to sit and wait for our case to be heard on the Atlanta appeals court while a little Cuban boy and his father get priority.

How dare this government tell us that the most important thing to them is ‘What is best for the children’. If you look at my case as a sample, and I am sure there are hundreds if not thousands of similar situations throughout the nation, how can we even believe in the system?

I see all these politicians either defending Elian to stay or defending the ‘Fathers Rights’. When was the last time you saw any of these politicians defend the ‘American Fathers Rights’?

When are we going to stop whining and doing something about it? With the Elian case in the public eye it would be the perfect opportunity to gather hundreds or better thousands of Fathers at the Atlanta Supreme Court building and protest. I bet you we would get some attention specially if we could gather a large crowd.

I have worked with Darnall

His approach is excellent and his book has helped lots of my fathers.
I know that he has done some traveling, but I also suspect the he is on the expensive side.

Our organization works very hard to help fathers with issues of custody. We beleive that the approach taken by most governmental organizations, such as the the typical domestic relations office, and many of the basic republicans who want to see child support collected to the maximum so that the money can go to pay for welfare don’t care about custody issues at all. They just want the money.

Look at the politicians who are upset about the Elian situation. I suggest that these are the same politicians who are behind the responsible fatherhood act. which has nothing to do with fathers getting custody.

Our feelings are that custody is every bit as important as child support. They go hand in hand. Research clearly shows that fathers who receive custody pay their child support. What is so difficult about understanding this equation.
If custody becomes our primary goal, we will also see improved child support collections.

At first it does appear to be brutal

At first it does appear to be brutal, over done and that they went in ready to shoot but upon further investigation the weapon was on safe (you can re sample the photo and increase the detail)and his finger is extended and ready but not on the trigger. AND the weapon is held in what is known as the ready position and not the engagement position. Oh and it is pointed to the side and not at anyone. Whose bright idea was it to have photographers in there? They really help a situation don’t they?

In terms of there over-all over use of force….you have to take a moment and put yourself in their position. You’ve gotten mixed reports on the status of weapons actually being in the house or not. You have a “crowd” of all night “vigil-holders” who are part of a group who has vowed to not let the boy be taken by anyone. In this situation I would definitely go for the safe side of operation. I am not justifying the action, I don’t have to, the Miami “family” did that by not returning the child as they had agreed.

Another point of interest: wasn’t it just last Thursday the Miami supporters were all in the streets chanting “..God bless America..”? And aren’t these the same people that tried to riot, that did walk on the American flag, fly it upside down and wrap a trash bag around it?

I guess that’s a good example of disillusionment and the gut reaction to the realization that America is and will always be America regardless if it’s decisions are to your liking or not!

A little Peace to everyone!

I have noticed a anti-EX forum from stepmoms

I have noticed a anti-EX forum from stepmoms who enjoy retaliation “when surely deserved” against their hubbies ex-wifes.

The problem is that its this type of “polar” enthusiasm continues rival disputes and future possible stress and anxiety.

It may be hard to accept another persons attitude, but in the long haul its may be better to elude your interest in participating in your hubbys past affairs and current thorn.

I have never heard of such a law

I have never heard of a law requiring anyone to maintain households. If you owe Alimony or back Child Support you can apply to the courts for deferred payment plans. If you currently have possession of the children of the woman who gave birth in who you pay, then simple research can help you discover your resources available to you.

There are community legal services that are available to you that can give you legal council free of charge. If this woman living in better financial statue then her children, there are laws that can help even the balance of family separate households.

If all fails you may have to reconsider your parental duties until you repay your dept in full. Life is only as hard as you allow it to be on you!!

There are ways to have support laws changed

How about changing the judges?

Our power in voting can help remove law makers who stubbornly deny fathers support issues.

If the fathers united during voting day and posted issues in demand and list the lawmakers,judges who support these issues and list those who don’t, more fathers may have a better candidate to to elect who can change support laws..

Remember these candidates are at our mercy on voting day!!

Gender bias poster child

I’m a single dad that or the most part have been raising my children on my own, to make a long story short I have had full physical custody of my kids for 8 out of the last 11 years and yet child support has been taking everything they can get from me, ie. wages,income tax, pfd’s even though i wrote them explaining that it is hurting the same kids it supposed to be helping.

There reply is its my responsibility to maintain to households, I must say I don’t clear enough anymore to put food on the table between paydays, the kids and I live in a cheep apartment wile my x-wife lives in our (hers now) house, and owns another house that is used as a bed and breakfast, and she is an expert at putting her assets in her family members names so as to hide it.

another words she is rich and I am poor, I have the kids and I must pay her. she has a very good male hating lawyer, and I cant afford one or had any luck finding one that will work for free..

Im so depressed over this that it often makes me cry.

If the other parent refuses to go through private mediation

If the other parent refuses to go through private mediation, then demanding it is not going to accomplish very much. Some states require mediation with a court appointed “mediator” (or counselor) prior to the court hearing.

In such cases, the recommendation of the court facilitator is usually adopted. In the courtroom itself, one could point out the difficulties in co-parenting, and ask for co-parenting counseling to be ordered.

Then the other parent is compelled to attend. A refusal to do so would certainly make the other parent look like a lousy co-parent.

However, there is a trade-off in all this for the dad: co-parenting difficulties usually sways custody in favor of the mother… so weigh the balance in your personal situation carefully. PS- coank, since you seem to be in a reading phase, check out our NEWS/Negotiation section (recently added).

Personally I recommend the works of Ury at Harvard Law. Good luck.

Mediation – Can one Party DEMAND it !!!!

I have really been brain dead at this point. And I really am not sure what to do – My ex refused to agree to mediation because of one stupid person’s opinion.

NOW it will be more than the children that will suffer. So here is what I want to know I need to know – In the State of Rhode Island Can I demand that mediation be used even if we have our own attorney’s ?

This is more than serious and quite frankly more than a cry for help.

I would like to pop something in hear

Personally I am working with a wonderful counselor, She is helping me with stress anger etc. she has suggested books for reading like ‘When I say no I feel guilty’ ‘abusive relationships’ and ‘toxic people’.

She also told me to get a whiffle bat and hit the trash cans or the trees near by. Just let all that anger and hostility go out.

Believe me I didn’t think it would work, but I didn’t do it before then and I ended up in the hospital several days with stress burnout until these things were suggested. Try it

Can we really change child support law?

Question, NOT A RANT! Can we really change child support law any time soon? I am curious to see if anyone has any ideas as to what can immediatly be done to change the way child support is determined by the court.

Is there a way possible to get a court date brought about by National Fathers Groups against the US government for unfair practices in their determining of child support? On that said day, is it possible for ALL media to be contacted, and every father who has a say about it to converge on the court house and show support outside?

Just like a civil rights protest, as this is what we a are fighting for, our civil rights and against gender bias. I can go further with this if you like… Let us all stp talking about what they are doing, I want to see if any of us are willing to take action.

Let us collaborate and get a listing of all Fathers associations and a list of all State and Fed reps and EVERYONE join in and get the laws changed NOW. What do you all think? …. if we dream it, we can have it…

I have been waiting for over four months

I have been waiting for over four months just to have the appeals case scheduled. I have been fighting three years, and in the process, spent thousands and thousands of dollars. I have seen my children be bounced back and forth. I have seen my ex-wife toy with the system to delay processes to her benefit. I have seen my children become frustrated for the length of time it takes to decide custody cases.

Still, while we wait and wonder when this will be over, we have to sit here and see the appeals court in Atlanta schedule Elian Gonzalez ‘s case for May 2000. The whole custody issue for Elian might take about 5 or 6 months. Yes, in that amount of time they will do what has taken me 3 years to do and will possibly have a final decision before our case.

I see all these politicians either defending Elian to stay or defending the ‘Fathers Rights ‘. When was the last time you saw any of these politicians defend the ‘American Fathers Rights ‘? Of course, my children are not little Cuban kids that were picked from the ocean in a horrible ordeal, and I am not a communist being controlled by Castro trying to get my children back; therefore, what good would it do for these politicians to help me speed up my case ‘For the well-being of MY CHILDREN ‘? Someone please explain to me, what is the best interest of my children? Why do they have to see the whole nation move to get Elians case solved and then tell them it might be another year for you?

All custody cases should be solved quickly ‘for the children ‘. Laws should be changed so if a reputable Judge makes a decision, that decision should stand until proven different by the appeals process. A law that allows for a parent who lost a custody case and a petition for a new trial to maintain custody simply by filing for an appeal and lying on the document to assure the process is prolonged should be modified immediately. Maybe it ‘s about time that the government does look out once and for all for ‘THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN ‘.

A Concerned and Frustrated Father (Due to the fact that my case is still in appeals court, please do not give my name, e-mail, or any other information about me to anyone)

Best Interest for Children?

I have been in this custody battle for around 3 years now. It is ridiculous to hear the government tell you over and over again ‘What’s important here is the well being of the children’. How is the well being of the children being served when it takes more than 3 years to solve a custody battle? When we finally went to court, we presented our case in front of a judge who heard from school principals, teachers, psychologists, employers, and even had a private, closed-door session with both children. The final decree after those two days of court was ‘Awarding Joint Custody with the Father being the custodial parent’. For those who don’t know what joint custody means, it means that the mother has the right to talk to teachers, doctors, or anyone regarding the children, and help make decisions that affect the children.

When a decision cannot be agreed upon, the custodial parent has the final word. Of course, I went to get my children to take them home with me; however, I was stopped before I could get them because she filed for a new trial and the law in Georgia states that ‘if you file for a new trial, the decision is reverted back to the original decree’, so the children went back to her and we were back to square one. We had her new trial hearing, her lawyer presented her case, mine argued it, and once again, the Judge gave custody to the Father and denied her motion for a new trial. I finally had my children living with me for about two weeks until she filed a petition for an appeal to the Supreme Court in Atlanta. Once again that wonderful law in Georgia that looks out for the best interest of the children, allowed her to take custody once again of the children until the final appeals court decision.

I guess this back and forth is good for the children. She did her petition for an appeal and wrote pretty much anything she wanted there. She lied and twisted things around, and even had the guts to indirectly imply that the Judge was my friend, or I paid him off, and so the Judge was against her from the beginning and never gave her a chance. By the way, this Judge is probably one of, if not the most, honest and respected judge in his district. I assumed that because of her lies on the petition for an appeal, the Supreme Court decided to grant her the right to appeal. Now since the appeals court is backlogged, we have no idea how long this will take. As it is right now, my son will turn 14 this year and he has already expressed that he will be moving in at that time if there is no decision yet. Which brings me to my frustration with the Elian Gonzalez case.

I wish the best for this child and I hope the decisions that will be made are truly the best for him. However, I cannot believe the hypocrisy of politicians, state, federal and other representatives. Again, I understand that the Elian Gonzalez case has a sensitive political situation tied to it, but what an insult to ‘American Fathers and Children‘ who have to wait over three years to get their case heard and decided. How dare this government tell us that the most important thing to them is ‘What is best for the children’. If you look at my case as a sample, and I am sure there are hundreds if not thousands of similar situations throughout the nation, how can we even believe in the system? (Continued Page 3)